Artist Hafizah Jainal on finding peace with her identity as a minority-race woman
"Because I no longer hold myself to society's standards of how a minority woman should live her life — that is liberating."
The notion of identity and culture seem to make up a large part of your art. Why is that?
For someone who often ran away from like my own identity when I was a kid, I think I've come a long way. When I was in primary, secondary school, I didn't really feel at ease being who I was – a person of a minority race in this society. And at the time, I always tried to run away from that. Most of my friends in school were Chinese, and I tried to be like them. It was as though I was trying to run away from who I really was; there was a lot of internal hate.
I still remember, in primary school, I was subject to a lot of stereotypes: The teachers would always like to pick on Malay students; the insinuation was, 'You guys really suck at maths.' It was something ingrained in us.
As a kid, I felt I was super confident, but when I went to school, I grappled with so many different issues – body issues, weight – and I was trying to find out what it meant to be myself, and a lot of things I experienced in primary school played a part in that. I really hated primary school: When I tell my friends, they'll say, 'Oh, I can't even remember primary school.' But for me it was really clear – I remember when I was that age, I really hated myself, and I really hated the body I was in.
But slowly, as I grew up, I began asked myself, 'Why am I doing this? Why am I running away from myself?' And those questions eventually spread into my work as well.
Why do women play such a central role in your art?
Representation is very important to me. I’ve always liked to challenge the status quo by putting forth themes that people can relate to, but are often under represented. Women play such a central role in my work because it helps me discover my sense of self in this world that I am living in. I used to have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem during my teenage years, and that affected how I perceived myself through the lens of others.
I had a phase where I drew and painted a lot of naked self- portraits – much to my mother’s dismay. In art history, nudity and the female form in art were often painted for the male gaze. Through the exercises of illustrating my nude self, I'm reclaiming my body, and provoking my audience to acknowledge that women’s bodies are not all the same – and it’s really none of their business to comment. I learned how to gain ownership and confidence of my own body, and eventually, how to love and put myself first.
Tell us about Seasonings Magazine – what made you want to explore concepts like heritage and culture through the lens of food?
I love cooking, I love food. I really loved Pamelia Chia's Wet Market to Table – she was uplifting all these local ingredients you wouldn't see in supermarkets, and highlighting these wet markets. One day, Pamelia messaged me in Instagram telling me she'd love to collaborate with me on a magazine related to food.
When we first talked about it, we said there were so many other publications related to food – so we decided to focus on festival food. In Singapore, we don't have seasons, and normally, people eat according to them – based on weather, on the availability of ingredients. But it's different for Singapore. What differentiates us from other countries is our celebratory food – it's just so diverse.
We also didn't want to focus on professional chefs or experts. Because to us, the real experts were our grandmothers who cooked at home: So often in Southeast Asian culture, everything is passed down through word of mouth, through verbal history; we wanted to tell all these hidden stories... To give home cooks a platform, and women who came before us the power of documentation.
There's just so much knowledge that grandmothers hold – especially for me, I realised my grandmother is a walking encyclopaedia, and I just didn't want that to be lost when she's gone. It resonates with other projects that I'm doing as well: The desire to make her memories tangible.
In a previous interview, you said that "a woman doing art in a male-dominated industry is a form of rebellion on its own." How does this sentiment appear in your art, and in your life?
Since I was a child, I've been aware that my existence in society as a person of a minority race will always be challenging – especially since I'm a woman. Growing up, it was tiring to have to constantly break stereotypes so that I can change the perception of my peers and the people around me.
Once I accepted the fact that I should start living life for myself instead of other people, I thrived so much in my craft and discovered a break through within myself. Me, living my truth and having ownership over things that I can control is rebellion in my context, because I am no longer holding myself to society’s standards of how a minority woman should live her life – and that is liberating.
PHOTOGRAPHY Joel Low
STYLING GREGORY WOO
HAIR Peter Lee using GOLDWELL
MAKEUP Wee Ming using LAURA MERCIER
PHOTOGRAPHY ASSISTANT Eddie Teo
STYLIST ASSISTANT Emma Ienzer