7. View the livestream, study the lineup and make sure everyone knows you've done both
Watch it here and Instagram Story, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat the hell out of yourself watching it. At every conversation, namedrop an act. As long as you remember any five acts on this year's lineup, people would still assume you went. Mention Radiohead walking off the stage and you'll get extra street cred. Still can't do it right? Memorise our list (below), which covers a mix of artists who actually stand on their merit. Everyone has to get the message: you're a fine connoisseur of fashion and music. That's supposed to be a rare thing.
Gallery photos: Coachella